Losing Herself, Finding Her
by LopezWritess
Summary: Slighty AU Quinntana story - Santana Lopez is living her life in New York, but when she runs into a familiar face will her life get better? Or simply crumble around her? Santana thinks it's the latter. Quinn Fabray is back, but has she really changed?


"I don't need to love you, Santana. I don't need you to love me either. I'm fine on my own, and so are you. Whatever this is.. It's stupid. It's stupid, and I'm not going to get involved in whatever stupid little game you're trying to play, it won't work."

Santana thinks she'll remember those words forever. She'll always remember the day that Quinn Fabray broke her heart, and she hates it. She hates that she has some kind of power over her or something. She still has that power. She'll always have that power. She said those cruel words to her a year ago, and here she was still thinking about them. Going over them again and again in her mind, wondering what she did so wrong to her and hating herself for finally opening her cold heart to someone. Especially Quinn fucking Fabray.

Now though, now she's happy. Well, that's what she tells everyone. She's in New York, she's single and she's living with her two favourite theater queens. Could life be any better? Apparently yes, at least that's what Rachel tells her, but Santana really doesn't want to take advice from the tiny diva, even if she is right a lot of the time.

"You are an attractive female, Santana and I am sure there are many ladies out there who would just be thrilled to be with you!" She tells her. It usually just earns her a grunt, or an eye roll and if she's lucky a small smile. Santana doesn't want just anyone though, but she's also too proud to admit that she just wants Quinn. Quinn, who's at Yale, who's probably dating some stuck up ass. She doesn't care though, except she does. She tries not to think about her, she really tries her hardest but every night when she shuts her eyes, her head is just filled with thought of the blonde, who she hates how much she loves.

Santana Lopez always knew she would end up somewhere huge like New York. How could she not? She was Santana freaking Lopez, and she was destined for a lot more than the hell whole known as Lima, Ohio. She just never expected that she would be in the city of her dreams, doing absolutely nothing. Not nothing, she was bar tending most nights, but it wasn't exactly the best job in the world and she hated to admit it, but it sucked seeing the two friends you lived with doing amazing things and her just getting by on a crappy job. She knew she should go back to school really, but college didn't seem to be her thing. She hated in Louisville, but maybe that was just because of the place and it also could have to do with all of the moping around she did due to Quinn. She didn't know, but she still had no plans to go back to college anytime soon. It would take her a while to get her ambition back, but she knew she'd get there. Eventually.

Ah, Brody Weston. A familiar sight that she has to endure on an almost daily basis. Plastic man is constantly at their apartment, and almost constantly naked. He has a good body, sure. You must be blind not to notice that, but Santana just doesn't 'appreciate' it as much as a straight or bisexual girl would. Or Kurt. Brody has slowly wormed his way in to their little loft family, and Santana can't really stand him. Not to mention the sex she has to hear most of the times he's over. Does she really want to hear Rachel Berry having sex? No. No she does not, and that's why she had recently bought a pair of expensive headphones, and downloaded as much rock music as she could afford just so she didn't have to listen to it.

Santana still stands by her Mexican third eye. Always has, and always will and there's definitely something off about Brody. She can't put her finger on what just yet, but she will get to the bottom of it.

"You know what, Ken?" Santana piped up from the arm chair as Brody walked out of Rachel's corner of the loft and into the communal living area.

She was met with a happy smile and an expected look.

"As much as I'm sure Berry appreciated you're 'rock hard' stomach, and you're steroid user arms." Santana said with her bitch smirk spreading across her lips. "But, can I please ask that you just put them away every now and then? There's only so much a girl can take."

"Oh, no. Don't listen to her, you do what you want here!" Kurt pitched in. "This is your home as much as it is ours." He giggled dreamily.

Santana just rolled her eyes, would these people ever stop? She was just glad that she didn't have Kurt's triangle eyebrow, ex-boyfriend running around the place. That was just something she wouldn't be able to take, and she would hate to do it but she would definitely move out. She's end up living in someone's spare box room, but it would be worth it so long as she stayed away from dreamy warbler Anderson.

Jogging was one of Santana's biggest hobbies. She loved going for a run through central park and clearing her head. It took her mind off of everything and she had always loved to do it. She had done it every morning before high school too, even the mornings before Cheerios practice. Sometimes Quinn would jon her, if they had a sleepover the night before. She loved running with Quinn, the blonde was so focused but she always seemed to make time have deep conversations with Santana as they ran. Santana lived for those conversations. They would talk about everything, and nothing all at the same time. It was perfect, perfect for the two of them anyway. Other people may have found it boring, but Santana found it perfect. Those were some of her favourite memories.

Now, Santana was hummed along to her music as she ran though the park, glancing around her and smiling as she saw all the people. The happy couples, the families, the dogs and the guys playing soccer. She saw the old man sat alone, and young girl busking with a guitar. It was an amazing place.

She came to a half though when she crashed into someone, and she noticed she had knocked all of their books onto the floor. Fuck. She could be such an idiot sometimes.

"Crap, I'm so sorry." She said as she bent down and began gathering up the books for the mysterious stranger. She looked up to meet their gaze, and her heart stopped.

"Quinn..."

**AN: Please let me know what you think! Just an idea I had, let me know if I should continue or not. You will find out more about their past as things move forward. **


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